It goes worse and worse with all lies...hmm

Yesterday, new lies from my relatives....Linette, my 17 year old daughter, came for a while talking to my mother about that she had changed the pants again, made them smaller...hahaha, made them smaller....she has become a bit bigger, I have proof by using the camera at christmas eve. All are liars and nothing else at all, making people believe that I am a liar instead. Why then?

The man who is haunting my daughter, tries to claim that he is going to get a child in secret with her, and he is NOT! The thing I woke up to today was a movie at tv..., talking about Dirty Dancing, which is mine and P.A:s song together, the song I sended to him via email in 2010, I talked about that he would (when he did not reply to me of some reason) regret it, and that he could have had "The Time Of His Life"...referring to this song. All this is rediciolus, a younger man trying to take his ID and using it frequently, saying I am jelouse at him and my daughter... Who the hxxx...is jelouse if one are a mother to a 17 year old girl, which he obviously is trying to get, to use my thinking idea....noway. Jelouse, is the wrong word, it is a catastroph.

I dont have to say much more, they will loose this game in the end, I am just trying to explain the truth. He is probably hungry for money, and nothing else. Wouldn´t surprise me if this man was the man using another ID at facebook, talking so bad about a "fucking woman with a metal ass" and another one "fat ass on her way to the gym in a car". He is totally cold as a person. This is NOT my P.A and all has its limits, one have to differ between jobs and private life.


Well, today, we have a bad weather in here, and I can only say I was about to blow away outside but I am grateful...I can breathe great air...(smile).

Heyy folks, yesterday, I got a feeling to sing for Mr Smile (Mr dance original, the tiny one)...again :-) Felt that I would love to meet him again, he is very kind I believe. So dearest, come dance with me again , or call me, or message me again, I just want to see your smile again and tell you something. As I said, I am not loving you yet, but it would not be impossible...I am sure of that now. :-)))

To all others, fans and friends, have a great week, soon we will celebrate NEW YEAR, wooohooo. Next year will be a GOOD year for me I believe. God loves me! :P

( He loves all who deserves it...) The world will see who is the liars in the end even though I may be forced suffering during the time for loading all proofs....but it is certainly worth it.

At pencil/
Sivan

The day before Christmas

YOU...(P.A), tomorrow it is Christmas Eve, another year without you and I still wonder why. There are things I would be able to do but I cant without your support, without you beside me. Without you I dont wantm I dont make this specific things (you know what it is...)

Everything is so strange now, not as last year, not as the year before that, much have changed and I have to...I dont get any order at all this around me, the "job-offers" and all....

I am not able to wake you up at christmas morning with coffee on bed (santa will give you, look above, hahaha), even though it would be my biggest wish, but I really wish you and others a great christmas. For you I wish that you are resting, that you are relaxing and just feeling good. I love you, and you know it.
Happy Christmas, come visiting and share the new year with me...dont be shy and afraid...

I have not had technical possibilities, neither any time left for making a christmas song for you, but I dedicate the lyrics and the best song I have in my player right now....
ADELE, ONE AND ONLY    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4r-c4I_9Rc&feature=player_embedded

Yours, Sivan

My daughter Linette 17, was just calling me to ask how she can make tunafishmix (creme fraiche based mix).....I wonder why....because this is normally my thoughts for christmas (again...and again...and again). My oldest daughter are not coming with my grandson this year....just wished they could come and pick up his presents.

(Also wishing all others a great christmas, to my fans out there, I love you too, thanks for the charts you all have given me in soundclick.com/sivan. :-))))))))
/S

Dec 18, A Bleak Day in Östersund ;-))))

SNOW, SNOW, SNOW....Christmas Time comes closer. Yesterday I was cleaning up my oldie computer, sorted out some folders, burned over some new projects on cd and more....lets see if it can be ok now, so I can create some more music. :-)))

Regarding the thinking idea, I can only say that if this man/men who is working with it, could realise that if they only present negatives (as they claim I have been thinking), no one will believe it.. I have loved and I love this man Mr P.A, from here and there is nothing in this world changing it. =))))))) A promise is a promise and nobody can change Gods directions....it will be we, in the end, thats my believe whatever folks are saying and thinking. I am 47 years this upcoming Spring, and he is around 50, we really fit together.

I have told them many times, written, that I am often thinking around things, before I take my final descision in what to believe or not. I am more often thinking positives around my love, so it seems to me very strange that all they are presenting is that i am thinking bad things about him, and I DONT.

Sitting in my mums house right now and we are listening to X-factor. I miss some country singers, women and men.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peXO9szVV7U&feature=player_embedded
In my player this day: Amy Winehouse -  Valerie





Kate Walsh - You Leave me Breathless You leave Me Breathless



Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me You Belong With Me


Brad Paisley - Old Alabama Old Alabama


Much Love and Kisses To YOU....
Sivan

Sick Game goes on..and on...and on.....

Take Me To Your Heart - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GKn3GGCbh_0


SOME UPDATES FROM MY LIFE....
The one who is trying to make people believe that I am sick in my head, is now investigating this on his own way. It has taken me some time to investigate how he is working. He is using things from before as I either have said no or yes to,  it can be offers, it can be other things. If I dont do the same way as I did before he claims I am sick. People in this house (some) I live are provoking me, often, using methods same as last year, same as before, and sometimes I remember myself that I have changed of many healthy reasons, and I dont do the same. That can be of reasons practical, economical or other things. I am not sick!

I also believe this man or this gang are trying to record me, with some medium I dont know, just recording the things they need after they have made me mad or sad, and leave the others out, just making it look like if I am changing in my head. A clear sick scitzo person, he changes all the time, if in a conversation he or she can change i the middle of a sentence, to start talking about something completely different---- I have been working myself within this, and I am not like that.

They are probably haunting me in this because there is a man who wants to take a job together with my daughter (rumors from facebook) instead of me, as he/they have promised me for 2 years ago...

This is the reason why they want me to look sick in my head, because the hospital are probably (rumors from an authority in here) making science on me, out of my allergias (against metal in my teeths, metals in my body and more). They well know I have periodical problems with my near memory , also problems with my ordinary one, mainly since the last two years but also before as I have had  hormone problems (since 2002), which affects the memory..

Last, it has begun in my apartment again, the bad dust, the dust in here comes from nickel, and I am allergic to that. This is a probable forcement just to get me to breath less, and get (forcement) into hospital! All who has been reading my blogs and facebook the last years, can see what this is all about.

They probably record me here, they accuse, and they just take the parts where it looks bad for them (this is my suspection). I have seen many times that they have tried me, they have tried my memory, and I am completely sure in my suspect that they are playing it up for others, to show their version...

The idea about to know what a person are thinking, is MINE and I am the one who has been promised to get a job, from those who has been working with this. Its a shame to try using my daughter to this matter, she is 17 and I really feel myself put behind.... I am ONE personality, I am not sick in my head. It is just that people cant take that I am tough and that I am an openminded person who tries to claim I have been treated unfair. Read all my old messages about this and you see, that all I am saying is true. I am a pick chicken, and they hate me in here.

What they have left now is to make people believe that I am a liar, and that I am scitzo, to get me into hospital and locked in, after this man can take my daughter abroad, with MY dreams, my ideas, my visions. This we must stop.

What I am offered THIS year may look different to last year, as things practically have changed in my life. Its simple to get that a person cant be the same, think they same way, if one WANT to see it......they omly seems to see their own versions...

I have (on request from others) once some years ago changed to a calm person, now it seems like they wanna see the fighter in me again, so lets go for the justice! I have said, I CAN BE WHAT THEY WANT. when it comes to jobs and others. My privacy is another thing..

For once, YOU....realise who loves you, and who´s gonna go with you.....
Happy Christmas week...and dont forget the ones who really cares about you....


Sivan

Sober, calm days before christmas 2011 ;-)))

I Love You - Celine Dion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CR3hg452VGc

I am more and more surprised each day I am growing inside. I feel such a happiness (at the same time a little bit sad for all the things people are trying to say about me) But its ok, I can take it, I am strong. I am trying to not mind about it anymore. This time it is that I am materialistic, and I am spending money all through. Yes of course I do right NOWfolks, I got a bigger sum for once in my life for a damage I have in my back side, and of course with my small income I am not making my day normally. Now I take the chance because it will be short, be sure. I dont earn much, about 7500 sek netto, my rent is over 6000...no kids now at home, no allowances for them. I dont know do i survive ahead, but I smile anyway, someone taught me once...;-)

THIS TIRESOME HOSPITAL STORY CONTINUES....

Some badly wants me into hospital, and it is so sick to haunt a healthy person this way, i am ready to rock and roll! I am ready to smile and jump, I am ready for life. They are harassing me every single day in my house, because they probably badly want me into hospital for science but it is ok, I am used since 2009..... I dont like the hospital thing..., I dont need it and i am out of there a long time ago.

I am in love as before again in my "oldie" Mr P.A B, Jämtland (around 50 years), I am back :-) So dont make me quit it one more time. I am not out that often these days, i am mostly at home watching tv. But this christmas I will give myself a good drink (christmas eve). Last year in 2010 I was out a a lot because i had not been out for many many years, so we were partying me and my friend, but now I am mostly sober and home all the time. But i will go for ordinary dance i think ahead, because I love to dance.

Well, I am happy and satisfied because a change does not mean you are mentally ill, a change depends in something beside which has made you change your mind, so if i change, i am not sick :-) Also folks, I dont suffer any schitzofrenia, this is just a bad rumor, and because some others wants to travel abroad on jobs instead of me. They have started good with closing me out from My Fight With Fat site here. He cant take the truth, that the thinking idea is mine and not my daughter Linettes (17)....I OWN it. ALL knows it, so it is not in need that people are imitatiing all in my life to make people believe that Iam reacting because i am sick. When it is all about thousands of imitations, it is no "one time thing" All in my family knows i own it, I deserve to go. If i would be sick, there are hospitals abroad. =)

SCITZOFRENIC

To be schitzofrenic, then you can change in the middle (I have worked at the psyche myself) of a sentence, just starting talking about something with no relevance or something different, you CLEARLY hear when a person is schitzo. So please stop making people believe that i am not able to work and go abroad! ALL knows which couple should go, and also i got a promise in here last year for this.....with m y love above

I have done ALL possible things I can do, but some are liars and are sending wrong info to the once who decides these jobs. One example is that I dont do things i am offered....well, i have had practical problems in the form of two wonderful kids and a dog at home, now they are all out....I have also had other issues to handle an apartment of 89 square metres and a 46 year long saving of things to get rid of....Its not easy to rush.... I am awake all days, i am not sleeping all the time as stated from some....at least underlying.....and i am exercising every single day in the week, now lost 16 kg in ab. 3 months!

Soo, ALL understands that the hospital are having other purposes (maybe other suggestions in new partners i DONT want, hahaha) than that i am so sick. And folks, as I said....there ARE hospitals out in the world if in need!!!

Wooohooooooo! Even though i am "harassed" every single day in  my house I stand it, I am stronger than ever and i am ready to go with my love (or anyone else possible FRIEND)

COME ONE NOW, LET ME GET PEACE FOR INSTANCE, YOU ALL KNOW IT IS WRONG TO SEND OTHERS...

All my family thinks I am NOT in need of going to the hospital, and also the municipality agreed with me the other day when i talked about this for them.

Now hospital...., let me be, leave  me alone, stop haunting me in.

And last....that I would (if this are having any relevance....and that i can relate to this film from yesterday about a fat man marrying a tough hard woman, and he made a by pass to fit her and their coming children....smile....but this willnever happen to me....its n o t in the fat it is.....its him. I dont like him simply because he did never give me respect last year. I love P.A.B, and no one else. (Have been talking about Mr dance Original, he is tall dark and tiny, and ok...if this was an offer, we could go abroad as friends, and later see what is happening) But I prefer the one I love and was promised to go with. Dont forget that I am the owner of this material which is the ground for all this thinking idea.

I am ready to go out in the world, so love...lets go! ;-)) Or, I´ll probably go by myself. Hope u liked my christmas wish to you! :-)

Kisses to all...and You

Sivan

Dec 9, A Good Day , simply ;-))))

Folks, have been making a simple (bad sound) video in swedish and english for all my friends online, including for the one I love. (I hope I now will be able to love him, without complaints and without forcing me to quit it more times). Its about respect folks...=)

BE PREPARED, THE SOUND IS NOT THAT GOOD
Wishing u all a good white christmas with only smiles and happiness :-)) In english and a short song clip

Sivans Christmas Wish To The World - http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yhyJ9PJOjh4



,Sivans julhälsning till P.A och världen.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=zGHez17NJ4w



Toby Keith - How Do You Like Me Now  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3umaLe37-LE


About the thinking idea I have written about, they are still trying to convert my daughters ID to mine and mixing things up all the time in facebook....what I have been thinking, is put on her....of some reason I never will get. maybe more about this later....if I jhave power to write about it.

Kisses,
Sivan

DEC 5, A sad day, simply

Dec 5

SONG IN THE PLAYER "ITŚ YOUR LOVE, TIM MCGRAW".


Dont know how to start write this day
I feel confused, I dont know what I feel (100%)
I dont know why I am where I am emotionally today
I dont know what is happening at all, I have partly lost control
I like it but I dont like it.

Thereś a big wrong in me, I am too kind and I maybe also am I naiv.

ALL I ever have done is to search love in my life, nothing else, but it seems like I dont get anything back at all. I have loved two men the last two years, where one of them have been the main. All I seems to get back is negatives, at least from people who does not think we fit together at all. So today I dont know what I want. I dont have the power to fight against the mass all the time...

I am looking for a reality go any further, men must be present and to consider it as a natural relation it must be a commitment between. I can`t and I dont have power to live a life where I am standing in between all things. There has never been any other men, meaning anything to me, but these two ones.

One gave me a chance for a while, but when I did never understand what to do, something happened. I wrote him songs, I wrote about him, I wrote poems, I did what I could.. The other one (Mr Dance original, with the golden eyes and the smile I cant forget) he just disappeared, and I never had any chance to explain, to say what I needed to say to him, at least what I wanted to say....to feel good and to be able to go further, or let go as friends. I am in between all, and I really really loved that night at the dance floor. I liked him more than I ever could know. Maybe I did a wrong choice 2010 but dont blame me, I have also forgiven him for being so strange to me, I have written about him on my website, I have really tried to reach him, just to say what I need to say. I am so sad today.

I dont understand what I do wrong in life, I have raised, I have started to believe again, I have lost weight, I have tried it all. I am so sad, I cant do more.

Right now folks, I am walking the lonely peopleś street, I am not afraid but I dont deserve it, simply....I deserve more, and I have so much to give, so much love to share. I am sure, I know me, the real me, and noone else does.

What more could I have done for these two...? I dont know.

All my family are following me in this, I talked to my mum today, and she said it again...as last year, go there, maybe he will come to dance with you again. I dont have the hope for it anymore, not until I see it for real. The same with the other one...he is not present. Thats the wrong.

DEDICATING this song to them both, because I am really hurting....try to understand that my feelings is real, this is no joke.
Faith Hill - It Matters To Me



A sad day, simply
(With hope of a better day tomorrow....)
A short walk anyway in the snow today....=)
Sivan